Letter to Stephanie Meyer (#1)

Dear Ms. Stephanie Meyer,
STOP. This is the main message I need to get across. I have tried to read the book 'Twilight' probably four separate times, and each time I am more disappointed with how talentless you really are. Now, I realize that some of you are going to get angry because, "hey, she's sold tonnes of copies, she must be doing something right!" But you're wrong. It has nothing to do with what Ms. Meyer's doing, and everything to do with what the general masses are. Which is enjoying crap.
Let's start with the basics. Okay, beautiful teenage girl falls in love with mysterious, dangerous monster/man. Where have I heard that before? Beauty and the Beast, Underworld. That's two off of the top of my head.
Yes, I realize that it would be silly to accuse you of making up the mysterious romance that vampires apparently possess. Just crack open Bram Stoker's original vampire novel, 'Dracula', and you can sift out that Mina Harker is definitely horny for the Undead Master of Evil, but it isn't really her choice. Dracula feeds some of his own blood to her, which causes her to have raunchy thoughts, particularly about him.
Another piece of popular vampire fiction I'd like to compare to your works is the television show 'True Blood' (based on the 'Southern Vampire' series by Charlaine Harris). In this show/novel, the vampires are very sexual creatures. Main bloodsucker Bill Compton falls deeply in love with annoyingly talkative barmaid/waitress Sookie Stackhouse. But this show easily explains why their romance is possible and Bill doesn't simply view Sookie as a tasty blood-filled snack. Synthetic blood, folks! Explained as the creation of Japanese scientists, 'TruBlood' fulfills all of the vampires nutritional needs and comes in a handy, no-need-to-hunt bottle. Therefore, Bill is able to fill his mouth with Sookie's moist, warm, dripping.... uhh.... tongue? Instead of her blood. Wonderful.
Now, let's examine the work itself. There really isn't much to say. Two-dimensional characters, over used and rather predictable plot, annoying whiny teenage characters, and of course, a love triangle. All in all, a pretty terrible read, and I urge anyone that has a brain in their head not to bother trying to give it a chance like I did.
Oh yeah, Mr. Taylor Lautner? Next time the script tells you to take your shirt off, DON'T. If I see one more pre-teen girl drooling over a picture of you in "Teen Fuck-Up" magazine, I swear to God I'll start biting their throats and drinking their blood.

Sincerely your friend,
Sean.

P.S. True Blood is one of my favourite shows.
P.S.S. For all of you adults that enjoy the Twilight series, SHAME ON YOU.